A Problem with loving myself

Okay, so i guess this blog isn't gonna be all poetic and nonsensical. the truth is, i have a problem with loving myself. When i look in the mirror at myself, all i see is everything i wish could be different about me, like how i hate the size of my nose, or how i wish these stupid acne bumps would just leave me the fuck alone! i look into my eyes and i see dark circles from not caring enough to get enough sleep. When i get ready to go somewhere, most of the time i just throw on anything, because i really just don't feel like getting ready, i don't feel like making myself look good, or feel good. I envy the girls who effortlessly live to care for themselves, the ones who always remember to put on their perfume and make sure that their hair always looks nice. I envy the girls who seem to have an endless amount of cute cloths in their closet for every day of the year. i envy those who routinely get their nails and feet done, or the ones who make it their business to get a massage every other tuesday afternoon with the girls. I wish i could be like that. but my problem is i have no love for myself. I want soo bad to pamper myself and give myself nice things. I want soo badly to wake up and feel beautiful and feel energized and ready for the day. I hate being stressed all the time, and always having a million things to get done, but not ever doing any of it. I want so badly to be more responsible, and organized. i looove all my friends but i barley spend time with any of them, because im always soo wrapped up in my unorganized life. I just want to feel like im on top of things, and i want to feel beautiful, i want to be relaxed and stress free. I really want the best for myself, but some how ive seemed to have dug up a hole around me, that im trying so hard to get out of. I really just want to let go of the negative influences in my life and be one with God and in-sync with Anita. Its so hard, and thats something i dont think anyone will understand. When you really want to love yourself, where do you start? when you really want to be some one what do you do? I just want to love me, i want to pamper me and give me good things, i want to bathe me in beautiful oils, and sit in the tub and relax with jill scott on and incense buring. I want to read, something i loove to do, but never have time to do anymore. I want to go to sleep and wake up refreshed something i cant do because my job prevents me from it ( seeing that i have to be there at 5 am every morning pretty much ). It seems to me that i have so many problems, and the biggest one is that every so often i go through this phase right here, where i, on certain days, want to do good by me, but for some reason i can never stay motivated long enough to really go through with it. Well im going to make a promise to me and God and the world right now, because i really want to make a change, i want to make a more relaxed, more soulful, more beautiful and carefree Anita, starting today. So i made a goal for myself today, and it is to clean the clutter from out of my life, lol starting with my closet, i have cloths in there that i've had since i was 7 and still haven't let go of yet. wish me luck... and motivation because im really gonna need it. ( ill update you tomorrow on my progress)