The Mathematics

In the mathematics of it all
its never really time to understand, that which we just don't
only when faced with adversity do we realize that 1+1 will always just equal 2
and somewhere in that equation, a 1 will be you
its simple really
but we'd rather make it difficult
adding negatives and decimals, to make our own equation
as if the plain old simple truth is wrong
as if somehow it can be changed
but in the end, you will still just be 1
and 2 will always just be the number you thrive for....

In a very rare occasion we each will become a 2
with another 1
maybe not as tall, or not as bright
maybe 1 with the top curved over
or a 1 who stands up straight
maybe a 1, who is incomplete
but somehow you'll fit,
like a puzzle piece
and realize you are now a 2
when you become that 2 both of you 1's will form and mold to be the perfect shape
maybe you will lay and surrender, become the foundation (_)
maybe you will be what holds you both together, the one who carries the burdens,
or you'll be the one who rides freely on the top..... dancing
which ever 1 you are..
to become just a 1 again will be your biggest fear..
for then.. you'd only be considered a half..
because, you see, a 2 is a single number not 2 ones
in all great equations those two ones, must become one 2
you'd then be missing your other half and become a fragment, or decimal

life is the journey of ones, who seek to become a two
the journey of sacrifices and love
maybe even broken hearts
but then mended ones
life is the unsolved equation that some how we are all apart of...
and somehow all the negatives and positives
halves and wholes
have a place somewhere...
somewhere in your destiny

Salvaged Goods

I lay here now, in my bed, thinking. Not quite sure whats on my mind, but then again I'm never sure about that. My mind confuses me, my thoughts drift like the oceans waves visible only for a split seconds glimpse.

What does it mean to call your self a writer but yet never have anything to write? Maybe, then I'm just not a writer, but simply a girl confused about her destiny. Then i must ask myself what exactly is my destiny? or destiny in general? sometimes i feel like I'm just here in this world wasting air, and taking up space. I make no contributions to the world, i have saved no lives, i have done nothing, but yet and still i remain. So i guess my destiny is to be here, maybe my destiny is to just, be here.. kind of like the wind, its just here, blowing invisible dreams, thrown across the world, gathering dirt and dead leaves, empty.

Maybe I'm just empty. the problem with that is i don't feel empty, but cluttered. Cluttered with shit from years ago, broken dreams and bits and pieces of my heart, here and there. my thoughts float around like the air gathering dirt, and dead leaves i don't even have use for but still seem to be attached to. I'm a cluttered soul, chaotic in a sense. but unwavering, persistent to stay in my current state of mind. Maybe because i just feel more comfortable this way. I somehow feel more secure when I'm surrounded by a load of junk. it keeps me safe in a way. It keeps my life intact. I'm held together by a decades worth of upsets, and let downs, arguments and fights negative feelings and emotions that i should have set free years ago, but still hold on to , as if they are precious, because somehow, they are all that i feel comfort in.

Somehow, they are all that makes everything feel right. but that's wrong, because they are wrong. they are always what makes things wrong. they are the reason my life feels so wrong. but i cant let them go, I'm like the bag lady in Erika Badu's song. I wont blame my condition on a boy like most people or girls do, because it has never been a boy. in fact i don't know what its ever been, its always just been. like i was born a shattered human being... salvaged goods.